I know it's been a long time since I last blogged and for that I apologize. I honestly wasn't even sure what to write about, and well, I guess I'm still not sure. But here goes...
Life has been stressful lately. My duration as a mother has consisted solely of being a stay-at-home mom. I'm not so sure how working moms do it. Being a stay at home mom is stressful enough. I guess one of those things I did not really realize is once we moved here, I would become like a part time working mom. You see, I knew that I was going to be learning Thai, but I guess I was naive to know what all that meant. Well, it means that I am no longer just a stay-at-home mom, I'm a student of Thai as well. Finding the balance between the two, without being too stressed is hard. Not to mention I am a student of the Thai culture, learning how to do things here, cook here, pay bills, you know, relearning all the things I that were second nature back in America. Yeah, so between being a student of the Thai language and a student of Thai culture, I also need to squeeze in being a mom and wife.
There are times when I just want to fast forward my life about 6 months where I (hopefully) will be done with language learning (umm, please do not miss read this as I will be fluent or as I will not continue to be a student of the language, my daily life will not let me forget that I will always being a student of Thai). In 6 months, BOTH my boys will be in school. (Ugh, not so sure how feel about this one). And maybe just maybe I will feel more confident in the daily things I need to do here to keep my family going.
You see, I guess lately, I'm just missing the ease of a culture I know and being around people who already have a long history with me. My mom retired last month. She has worked full time since I was a little girl. I hate that we are not there to enjoy her new found freedom. And last week, my husband's entire family was together, even his sister who lives in Africa was there. Yeah, everyone, except us. I have to say that well, that sucked. Yeah. I've had a few emotional breakdowns lately.
I know from reading all this you must think that I am in this horrible depressed state. Although there are times when I have been incredibly stressed and although there have been times when missing those we will not see for at least another year has brought me to tears, I must say, I have not been this at peace in my SOUL about where I am in life in a long time. I wish that I could describe to you in words how at peace I am with being here, but ya see, it's a peace that surpasses all understanding. So, I simply cannot describe it. Although there are sacrifices that are very hard, somehow, someway, it's ok.
You know, I have days when I can't believe I get to live here in Thailand. There are days when I am overwhelmingly thankful that we are giving our kids the gift of being a third-cultured kid. There are days when what we are doing here, is so incredibly satisfying because we know we are right where He wants us to be.
So, please, although there are times when I might complain on Facebook about something that's not as easy as it is in America, or I might say that it sucks to be so far away from family and friends, please, don't feel sorry for me. Be excited for us, pray for strength in difficult moments, pray that God would continue to give us His peace. Pray that He would lead our steps. And pray for our kids.
Although there are times when I wish those teleport (i'm sure I misspelled that;) type machines you see in TV shows were real so we could all just teleport back home for awhile, I wouldn't want to stay there. At least for now, we are right where we are suppose to be.